Find Yourself
by sk8r-grl
Summary: Charlie is lost in himself when he lands on Craphole island, but does he have what it takes to find his true self?


_When you find yourself  
In some far off place_

Charlie looked around, seeing the plane's fuselage on a beach; parts, and people, strewn across the shore. He held his head as it throbbed. Looking at everything in disbelief, he saw many men screaming for their wives and children. Women calling for husbands and brothers. Children crying for their families. Charlie scanned the beach, realising that he had no one to cry out for...nobody cared about him. He ran his fingers through his gelled hair. _What happened? Where am I?_ he thought, looking around as people pushed past him, knocking him to the ground. He stood back up, looking on as, a few feet away from him, a man was sucked into the engine. The engine exploded, sending fiery metal flying. Charlie jumped as a flaming piece of the engine crashed to the ground behind him. He looked into the jungle as the trees swayed, realising that this was a deserted island..._  
And it causes you to rethink some things  
You start to sense that slowly  
You're becoming someone else_

Charlie looked up at Locke as the man cooked his boar over a blazing fire. He looked away as Locke spoke to him, sweat dripping from his forehead. He looked back up at Locke, tears in his blue-grey eyes. Holding out his shaking hand, Charlie got Locke' s attention away from his boar.

"I want it back, Locke." Charlie asked, his scratchy voice not much higher than a whisper.

Locke scowled at the musician, stating, "Now, this is the third time you've asked, Charlie. Are you sure?"

"I've made my choice." Charlie whispered, his hand's shaking becoming more noticeable.

Locke nodded, setting the small bag of heroin into Charlie's clammy hand. Charlie wrapped his fingers around it, bringing the baggie up to eye level. He twirled it around in his hand. He let go of the bag, allowing it to fall into the orange and yellow fire. He watched as the flames licked the bag, burning it, turning the heroin, that was once so needed, into a smoldering pile of ash. Charlie felt his blue-grey eyes burning as tears appeared in them for once in a long time. He didn't bother to wipe them away, he just smiled at Locke.

"I'm proud of you, Charlie." Locke smiled.

Charlie nodded, looking up into the night sky, watching as a moth fluttered by..._  
And then you find yourself_

When you make new friends in a brand new town  
And you start to think about settlin' down

Charlie swung at the golf ball, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the blinding sun. He watched as the golf ball flew through the air, landing feet from the hole. He shook his head, letting Jack step in front of him. Jack set his ball down, looking out at the makeshift flag. He lowered himself into putting position, swinging at the ball.

"One...two...three..." Charlie heard Jack mutter before smacking the ball through the air.

Charlie watched as it diappeared right where the hole was. "It probably landed past it...way past the hole." Charlie smirked, crossing his arms, hoping he was right.

"Dude, it's in the hole." Hurley laughed, patting Charlie on the back.

Jack chuckled, answering, "Hole in one. I bet you my hair brush it's a hole in one."

"Bet you my last razor it's not." Charlie grinned. He followed Jack over to the hole. "Why do you need a hairbrush anyway?"

"Yeah, you've got, like, a buzz cut." Hurley added.

Jack shook his head, saying, "I don't really know."

They approached the hole, growing tense with anticipation. Charlie crossed his fingers. Jack looked around the hole and saw no ball. Charlie let a broad grin spread across his face. Jack looked into the hole, letting out a laugh. Hurley and Charlie exchanged looks.

"What is it?" Hurley asked.

"Hole in one." Jack smiled, plucking the ball from the hole.

"No bloody way!" Charlie cursed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Face it, man, you lost." Hurley laughed.

"I know I lost!" Charlie smiled, pointing at Jack. "It's not fair! You're a doctor, you've had experience."

Jack chuckled, saying, "Yep, but you still owe me that razor."

Charlie, Jack and Hurley headed back to the beach. Claire called to Charlie from across the beach, waving her hand frantically. Charlie turned back to Jack.

"I'll get you the razor tomorrow, okay?" he smiled.

"Sure, I understand how it is with girlfriends." Jack teased.

"We're _just_ friends." Charlie protested, shaking his head.

"Yeah, I usually help my friend Scott out with his laundry and get him water, oh, and peanut butter." Hurley sarcastically nodded, letting out a gaffaw.

"Charlie?" Claire's voice was closer now. Charlie turned to see her waddling up the beach towards him.

"Uh-oh, here she comes." Hurley warned.

Jack laughed, adding, "Hey, you can keep your razor today. Ladies like kissing a clean-shaven face."

Charlie felt his face growing hot and his ears burning upon hearing Claire ask, "What?"

"Oh, dude, she heard you!!!" Hurley laughed, facing Jack; his big stomach jiggling.

"You okay, Charlie? You're looking a little red!" Jack joked, nudging him in the ribs.

"Go away!" Charlie hissed, shooing them away like you do stray cats.

"Okay, we understand. You need _alone time_." Hurley chuckled, causing Jack to laugh harder.

Charlie sighed, turning towards Claire. She smiled at him, holding her swollen stomach, asking, "What were they going on about?"

"Hurley and Jack were talking about...about how Jack, uh, likes Kate." Charlie quickly answered.

"Quit lying!" Claire laughed, lightly shoving him. "Tell me!"

"TELL HER OR SHE'LL DUMP YOU!!!" Hurley's voice rang out across the beach along with Jack's laughter.

Charlie sighed, glowering at his friends, then smiled sheepishly back at Claire. "They were making fun of _us_. I m-mean our relationship. I-I mean, not our _relationship_...our friendship." Charlie stammered.

Claire laughed, nodding. "I realised that." she giggled, asking, "You wanna take a walk?"

"Sure," Charlie nodded, trying not to seem too eager. He followed Claire as they silently walked down the beach, talking about their pasts, their present, but not their futures...

_The things that would have been lost on you  
Are now clear as a bell  
And you find yourself  
Yeah that's when you find yourself_

Where you go through life  
So sure of where you're headin'

"You're gonna be a rock god!" Liam had said, waving the recording contract in Charlie's face._  
And you wind up lost and it's  
The best thing that could have happened_

"Dude, you rock!" Hurley had cried as Charlie returned from the cave-in with Jack. He returned as, not a nobody, but a hero._  
'Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well  
Because you find yourself  
Yeah that's when you find yourself_

When you meet the one  
That you've been waitin' for

Charlie ran back up to Claire as she struggled with contractions on the jungle floor. She looked up at him, asking, "Where's Jack?"

"He's not here yet, but he's coming." Charlie assured her, watching as her face scrunched up in pain again.

Charlie took Claire's hand in his, letting her squeeze it as tight as she needed. Charlie let out a breath he'd been holding as the contraction ended. Claire still continued holding his hand, telling him about a psychic she'd gone to about her baby...How she'd planned on giving the baby away. Charlie nodded, listening and talking to her. She soon loosened her grip on Charlie's hand.

"Anything?" Charlie asked, reffering to the contractions.

Claire shook her head, saying, "I--I think I'm alright." She began to stand. Charlie lept to his feet, helping her up.

"Jack said that stress could cause a-a false labor." Charlie stated as Claire let go of his hand.

Charlie and Claire smiled at each other. "See, I told you I'd take care of you." Charlie proudly smiled.

"Thanks, Charlie," Claire grinned up at him. She let him carry her bags as they headed back to the caves. Charlie watched as she suddenly stopped.

"What?" he worriedly asked.

"It kicked." Claire laughed, taking Charlie's hand, placing it on her swollen stomach. Charlie smiled, looking into Claire's eyes as he felt the baby moving around in her stomach. Suddenly, a twig snapped in front of them. Charlie and Claire jerked their heads up, seeing Ethan. The man was staring intently at Claire. Charlie took his hands off Claire's stomach.

"Ethan, where's Jack?" Charlie asked, his voice quaking.

Ethan didn't respond, his gaze stayed fixed on Claire. Charlie felt Claire shaking with fright beside him. He looked at her and, seeing the fear in her blue eyes, put an arm around her. He pulled her close, broadening his shoulders, turning back towards Ethan. He glared at the man, standing his ground--challanging him..._  
And she's everything that you want and more  
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else_

Charlie felt his wind pipe being cut off as he was hoisted off the ground by some kind of scratchy rope. He frantically clawed at the ropes around his neck, kicking his legs madly. He heard Claire screaming for him...screaming _his_ name. Charlie kicked more frantically as he felt his lungs burning--his head aching. Charlie suddenly felt very weak and his chest began to throb violently. He dropped his arms, letting them dangle at his sides. His legs slowly stopped kicking and he felt faint. Charlie felt his world fading in and out of focus. Claire's cries were the only thing that kept him from completely giving up. He heard her scream his name again and he hoarsly choked out, "I love you..." It wasn't loud, but Claire could probably read his lips. She began screaming his name through tears. Charlie slowly faded into a world of black, the last words he heard was Claire's final cry, "Don't leave me, Charlie!!!" But it was too late; Charlie's world smashed to black..._  
And then you find yourself  
That's when you find yourself_

When we go through life  
So sure of where we're headin'

Charlie was pretty sure Claire hated him. No, he _knew _she hated him. He'd lied to her about that stupid statue, then, he'd taken Aaron. He wanted to turn and run, to hear Hurley call him over, or to just disappear. But Claire needed this, and he wanted to help. He shakily stood outside of Claire's tent as she tended to Aaron. The child he'd kidnapped. _Stupid dreams_, he cursed. Charlie stuttered a 'hey' causing Claire to turn to look at him. Charlie felt as if his heart had been stabbed multiple times with a knife when Claire shot him a hateful glance.

"Hey, Aaron," Charlie talked to the baby before talking to Claire about Eko--instead of what he'd brought her.

"Is there something you want, Charlie?" Claire shot at him.

"Here," Charlie muttered, opening his bag. He told her where he found it as he pulled it out of his bag.

"Vaccine?" Claire smiled, as he opened the box.

"I don't know what you'd need vaccine for, but I figured if anyone should have it--you and the baby should." Charlie stuttered, pulling the injector out of the box. "It's all right, it's a _pneumatic_ injector." Charlie then demonstrated how to use it, making sure Claire understood.

"You seem to know a lot about it." Claire stated, a smirk crossing her face.

Charlie knew she was reffering to his previous drug addiction. He smiled back at her, muttering, "I tried it."

Claire's smile disappeared and a look of concern took its place.

"I wanted to make sure it was safe before giving it to you and the baby." Charlie stammered.

Claire asked him numerous questions about how he felt or if it did anything to him, Charlie just shook his head and read her how often she and the baby were to take the medicine. Charlie clumsily set the box down after putting the injector back into its box. Charlie leaned against Claire's tent, looking her in the eye.

"I should really feed him," Claire stuttered, avoiding his gaze.

"Hey, Claire," Charlie managed to get up the courage. "Do you think maybe you and I could, um,--"

Charlie watched as Claire looked past him at something. He turned around as she exclaimed, "Oh my God, Michael's back."

Charlie looked at Michael with a sigh. _Good old Michael._ he thought...

_  
And we wind up lost and it's  
The best thing that could have happened_

Charlie sat beside Claire as his ears rang. He could barely hear, but at least he could hear more than he did before. He looked at Claire as she rocked Aaron. She turned to him with a smile. "What happened at the hatch?" she asked, a flirty smile on her lips.

"Do you want to hear about how I was almost killed by the flying fireball or the flying fork?" Charlie let out a laugh, trying to get his ear to pop again.

"I'm being serious," Claire sighed, her smile was still present.

"Nothing happened," Charlie lied; he didn't know why he was lying, but he didn't think Locke wanted him to tell until everyone was ready.

"Come on. Something had to happen." Claire protested. "Like, that noise...and the sky turned that weird violet color."

"Did it?" Charlie asked with a chuckle.

Claire rolled her eyes, looking at Aaron. Charlie took this opportunity to examine his arm. He knew it was burned from the explosion and bleeding, but not how bad it was. Claire looked over at him and he grinned. Claire took his arm and examined it with a grimace. Charlie winced, letting her turn it whichever way she wanted, never protesting, never jerking away. He wanted her to touch him, to _care_, because she hadn't for so long. Cared, anyway. Charlie looked at his shoes when Claire let go of his arm and took hold of his hand. He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness. _In fact_, he thought, _I don't even deserve to be in her presence_. He looked up at Claire, squeezing her hand after she squeezed his. He looked down at his checkered shoes again when Claire brushed a few locks of his hair away from his face with her free hand. His eyes darted up at her again, she smiled at him. He grinned back. Then, he felt her breath on his face as she leaned closer. He looked into her blue eyes and saw a glimmer of something. Something he thought might be love..._  
'Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well  
Because you find yourself_

Claire let her hand fall from his hair, tickling the side of Charlie's face with its feathery touch. Charlie felt her fingers cup his chin. Charlie watched Claire close her eyes and lean forward. Charlie leaned into the kiss, his eyes flitting closed. He felt her lips on his in a short, but meaningful, kiss. Claire drew away from him, smiling. Charlie sat in a state of momentary shock before the redness came to his cheeks. He hoped Claire didn't notice. Smiling, Charlie held Claire's hand tighter, looking at their hands as their fingers interlaced. His grin broadened when he looked up to see Claire still beaming in his direction. Now Charlie knew. He knew she was in love with him. And he was in love with her, all this time--ever since he met her..._  
Yeah that's when you find yourself_


End file.
